"Mental Efficiency And Other Hints to Men and Women"

It is well to grasp the fact that you are going through life under the scrutiny of a band of acquaintances who are subject to very few illusions about you, whose views of you are, indeed, apt to be harsh and even cruel. Above all it is advisable to comprehend thoroughly that the things in your individuality which annoy your friends most are the things of which you are completely unconscious.

It is not until years have passed that one begins to be able to form a dim idea of what one has looked like to one's friends. At forty one goes back ten years, and one says sadly, but with a certain amusement: " I must have been pretty blatant then.

I can see how I must have exasperated 'em. And yet I hadn't the faintest notion of it at the time. My intentions were of the best. Only I didn't know enough." And one recollects some particularly crude action, and kicks one's self. . . . Yes, that is all very well; and the enlightenment which has come with increasing age is exceedingly satisfactory.

But you are forty now. What shall you be saying of yourself at fifty? Such reflections foster humility, and they foster also a reluctance, which it is impossible to praise too highly, to tread on other people's toes.

A moment ago I used the phrase "fundamental character." It is a reminiscence of Stevenson's phrase fundamental decency." And it is the final test by which one judges one's friends. " After all, he 's a decent fellow." We must be able to use that formula concerning our friends.

Kindliness of heart is not the greatest of human qualities -- and its general effect on the progress of the world is not entirely beneficent -- but it is the greatest of human qualities in friendship. It is the least dispensable quality.

We come back to it with relief from more brilliant qualities. And it has the great advantage of always going with a broad mind. Narrow- minded people are never kind-hearted. You may be inclined to dispute this statement: please think it over; I am inclined to uphold it.

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